Obama's Farewell Address

Back home on the ranch in Chicago

It will be an unseasonably mild day for Washington in January, 2013. As Barack Hussein Obama stands presidential but grimly in a dark overcoat, unadorned by a Presidential flag and unaccompanied by his wife. She had prior holiday commitments on the Costa del Sol in Spain, where it was known she had several good and welcoming friends.

For the Obama’s and for the left in America, the unthinkable is gonna happen. We, who had finally gotten who ‘we had been waiting for,’ were not waiting for anything anymore but the departure of he who had brought America hope and change. So much hope and change had been delivered in the President’s four years that the country had become almost unrecognizable, which will be judged wonderful in some quarters, though not so much with the majority of the American people. Thus, the crowd, vastly fewer in number than at his inauguration, will preparing to hear the Farewell Address of President Barack Hussein Obama.

You'll Survive America; Damn-it

(This introduction was accompanied by a gentle crossing of the President’s left hand, with his middle finger extended, and pausing, while it crossed his face. It was a gesture often used by the President during his Administration, thought to be a somewhat odd and/or nervous gesture on the part of the former Executive. This movement of his finger happened with a disconcerting frequency during the President’s Farewell Address).

Obama will began with a gracious ‘shout out’ to thank everyone who had served him so faithfully, but he seemed to realize that most of them are long gone. After thanking Rahm Emanuel, Anita Dunn, Van Jones, Larry Summers, Christina Rohmer, Desiree Rogers, Peter Orzag and General James Jones, among others, he just sort of…gives up.

 

Then, the unforgettable words of the Farewell Address of Barack Obama began thus:

“The American people have spoken, and must be responded to. But before this huge mistake on the part of the electorate goes into effect, I want to be sure that you understand the colossal error that you folks have made.

As you know, I came here to heal, not just the planet but the nation, and you, the American people, did not allow me to thus heal our very sick planet and our deeply troubled country. I came here to give the people of this nation hope, and you refused to accept that hope in bringing about a better nation. I came here to change the innumerable wrongs that this country has and still perpetrates in oppressing not only its own people, but so many peoples of other nations in the world, and you refused to allow me to affect this change. I came here to cleanse the nation of the many evils and incompetencies of the preceding Administration, and you would not let me finish in dispensing with these in creating a better nation. 

I am not going back to Chicago

I came here to raise America’s status in the eyes of the world, and even though America’s friendships with our enemies’ rulers were growing by leaps and bounds thanks to my efforts, you would not let me complete this process. I came here to bring about elevating the status of the world of Islam to our own level and hopefully beyond to make our Muslim brothers and sisters all that they can be, and you aborted that necessary effort.

I came here to fundamentally transform the United States of America, and you rejected the fundamental transformation that would have made America truly great for the first time in its history.

By rejecting me, and the good I had just started to bring to you, you have sealed your fate in languishing in the putrefaction of the status quo in America. It is true that many of you believed, and many of you agreed that "Yes, We Can," or could have, but it was those who cling to their religion, their guns and their bitterness, who won out. They won because the amount of lies and distortions spread through the land about me and what I wanted to do to help the United States of America become the land it could be, and now never will be, was unprecedented.

They won because of the relentless and unjustified hostility of the Congressional Republicans, who categorically and universally refused to allow me and my Administration do what was necessary to help the American people. They won because of the unceasingly vicious and untrue things said about me and my Administration on Fox News, and all over the airwaves by those who always wanted me to fail. They won because those representing special interests, corporate greed and racist behavior were permitted to triumph in this land.

My and my Administration’s efforts to heal all that is wrong in America was most likely the last and greatest effort to bring America into the world community, and try to strip it of its overweening, arrogant and imperialistic ways. This failure, and I cannot sugar coat this, will bring about dire consequences to this nation and its people. Without my leadership, Americans will continue to severely wound our beloved and beleaguered planet; the race divide in our nation will grow even greater; the poor will become poorer and the rich become richer; the citizenry will become sicker; the good government can do will now be kept from happening because of the peoples’ refusal to fund such necessary operations; and one of the most magnificent accomplishments of the many of my Administration, achieving health care for all Americans for the first time in our nation, will be relegated to the trash heap of history.

With my departure as your President, without my guidance, our nation’s misguided majority will become sicker, fatter, stupider, more racist, more divided, more homophobic, more Islamophobic, more arrogant and more isolated from the rest of the world than ever before. It is a tragedy that I can no longer prevent because the power to help this nation, to make it what it could be, has been wrested from the hands of the only man who could do it.

 

Future generations will look back at this grave mistake in the course of America’s history and will weep with remorse for this tragic reversal of fortune for America.

There is, however, a positive future I can promise you, and that is to tell you that I am not saying goodbye, but au revoir.

That’s French for I’ll be back.

All Hale Satan

The people who voted against my maintaining my leadership are losing their majority in America, and they are doing this sooner rather than later. This can be described, especially by a mutt like me, as justice, as the oppressors – the white man - who abound and have abounded in America since its inception are about to be ruled, rather than rule. And those who will be taking over from them understand full well why the coming one-world government is the only thing that will work to achieve what is necessary for the betterment for all mankind.

When this one-world government takes over, as it is we who the world has been waiting for who will rule, as the world will turn to me. And as I have always done, when called upon I will be there for those who need me.

To provide the hope that only I can, I will accept this challenge, a challenge started but left unfinished due to the actions of the fickle populace of the United States of America. I stand ready to lead this one-world government, and resume my work on behalf of the folks; only this time it will not be solely for the benefit of the American people, but for the benefit of all mankind. America will finally become what it should be, which is one nation among many, with none of the undeserved attributes of a nation above others. There is no such place for any nation in the new world order, which, Allah be praised, I will lead.

So this is not goodbye, which I know buoys many of you as it should, and to you I say, keep the faith. We will be back, and soon, and we will put the United States of America where it truly belongs. And to my faithful, you will again be where you belong, which is at the forefront of this new ruling order, where we all can again, heal the planet, lower the oceans, bring health care to everyone, stop corporate greed, bring our Muslim brethren into the global prominence they deserve, open individual nations’ borders, especially those of the oppressive United States of America, and bring all people of the world together in love, peace and harmony.

I take this opportunity to say to the world that the hope and change I could have brought to America, and in their ignorance refused, that I can bring to you, and is in fact now destined for you, the world community. This wondrous effort is no longer being made exclusively for the ungrateful people of the United States of America; it is now directed at a more grateful world.

Thank you, Allahu Akabar, and a bientot. The last is French for be with you soon.”

I now wish the best of luck to President Romney and Vice President Perry.